OMG!!! THE NOKIA 3310 IS COMING BACK!!!!!!!!!  In case you don’t remember, this was the most indestructible phone known to man kind.  The battery lasted for DAYYYYYYYYYS! DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYS! Plus, you can play the best game ever on a phone “Snake.” hahaha! The 3310 will run you about $75.  I’m in!!!  More deets here

A Texas family wrote the most scathing obit I’ve ever seen in my life.  Check it out as it was posted on the Carnes Funeral Home website:

“Leslie Ray ‘Popeye’ Charping was born in Galveston on November 20, 1942 and passed away January 30, 2017, which was 29 years longer than expected and much longer than he deserved.  Leslie battled with cancer in his latter years and lost his battle, ultimately due to being the horses ass he was known for.  He leaves behind 2 relieved children; a son Leslie Roy Charping and daughter, Shiela Smith along with six grandchildren and countless other victims including an ex wife, relatives, friends, neighbors, doctors, nurses and random strangers.

“At a young age, Leslie quickly became a model example of bad parenting combined with mental illness and a complete commitment to drinking, drugs, womanizing and being generally offensive.  Leslie enlisted to serve in the Navy, but not so much in a brave & patriotic way but more as part of a plea deal to escape sentencing on criminal charges.  While enlisted, Leslie was the Navy boxing champion and went on to sufficiently embarrass his family and country by spending the remainder of his service in the Balboa Mental Health Hospital receiving much needed mental healthcare services.

“Leslie was surprisingly intelligent, however he lacked ambition and motivation to do anything more than being reckless, wasteful, squandering the family savings and fantasizing about get rich quick schemes.  Leslie’s hobbies included being abusive to his family, expediting trips to heaven for the beloved family pets and fishing, which he was less skilled with than the previously mentioned.  Leslie’s life served no other obvious purpose, he did not contribute to society or serve his community and he possessed no redeeming qualities besides quick whited sarcasm which was amusing during his sober days.

“With Leslie’s passing he will be missed only for what he never did; being a loving husband, father and good friend.  No services will be held, there will be no prayers for eternal peace and no apologizes to the family he tortured.  Leslie’s remains will be cremated and kept in the barn until ‘Ray,’ the family donkey’s wood shavings run out.  Leslie’s passing proves that evil does in fact die and hopefully marks a time of healing and safety for all.”

BRUTAL!!!!

A 5 year old Florida boy was at recess, found a condom on the ground, picked it up and started chewing it.  … …First of all, KID!!! You’re 5!!! You should know by now not to pick up shiz off the ground and throw it in your mouth! COME ON!!! Anyway, the child was taken to the ER and screened for STD’s and should be fine, but GROSS.  The cops are investigating, unsure if it was a prostitution style hook up on the playground over night, or just a couple making a bad decision.  Stop being litterbugs, y’all!  Full story here. 

An Edgerton native won Westminster Best in Show Tuesday night at Madison Square Garden.  Rumor, the German shepard, was named after the Adele song “Rumor Has It” and is only the second German Sherpard to win Best in Show at Westminster since it started in 1877!! More on the Rumor here!

2 New Brunswick men have been arrested after attempting to go through the McDonald’s Drive Thru on a couch! LOL. The police spotted the couch, being towed by an ATV at 3 in the morning.  The driver of the 4 wheeler took off after the cop turned his lights on stranding the two drunk dudes in the parking lot of Mickie Ds.  The ATV driver took off, still towing the couch, across the highway and frozen Miramichi River.  The bros he left behind, ages 28 and 39 will face charges that are yet to be determined.  Hey, give the guys some credit, they were at least wearing helmets. 🙂

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