Some poor lady in China was trapped in an elevator for a month. She died of starvation. Crazy, horrible story. The elevator maintenance people left for a month long vacay, and didn’t do a visual check of the elevators before shutting them all off.  Yeeeeesh. I think I’d prefer the cruise ship elevator death from last year instead, flashbacks from The Shining.

Oh the lulz.

A dude dressed as a clown was arrested for smoking meth in the bathroom at Waffle House in Georgia. It’s like all of my least favorite things coming together in the best news story.