Welcome back from the long weekend.  If you decided to go unplugged from technology over the weekend, you made a fantastic choice, because everyone has lost their mind over kids in gorilla cages and Johnny Depp throwing an iphone at Amber Heard, which I refuse to mention ever again, because WE DON’T KNOW AN EFFING THING ABOUT IT… anyway… back to the kid in a gorilla cage….

The rare silver back gorilla named Harambe was shot and killed at the Cincinnati Zoo after a 4 year old snuck into the gorilla’s enclosure.  SMH.  We need to come to grasp with the fact that the whole damn story just effing sucks.  The zoo people had no choice other than to shoot the damn gorilla because at any second it could’ve kill the CLEARLY UNSUPERVISED crotchfruit.  The parents might be to blame, but IDK, kids sneak off into trouble all of the time, and blaming the parents doesn’t bring back Harambe.  Ugh.  Hate this story. So hard. We all lose.  We’re all big effing losers.

Speaking of losers,  Khek Chanthalavong of Holland MI tried to use a blowtorch to burn the hair off a squirrel he was intending on eating and ended up lighting his apartment complex on fire.  This all happened in October of 2012, but last week a judge ruled that his girlfriend, who had signed the rental agreement, was liable for $2 million in damages after the fire consumed 32 units of the complex.  Using a blowtorch to cook a squirrel on the porch is against the rental agreement.  LOL. No kidding.  Keep this in mind when you’re deciding to live with your sig other.

A couple cyclists in Australia were jumped by a kangaroo, causing one of the woman’s breast implants to explode!!! “They worked as air bags and have been ruptured by the ordeal,” Sharon Heinrich 45  joked.  Sharon and her friend, Helen Salter, 47, were cycling on a popular tourist route when they saw a ‘roo up ahead of them.  “He looked peaceful. He didn’t look angry,” Sharon recalled.  When the cyclists went to pass the roo, he hurried across the trail, jumped onto Sharon’s left torso, then to her friends back.  He basically used Sharon as a spring board to jump onto Helen.  Both cyclists were knocked off their bikes, and Helen ended up using Sharon’s bike to ride to a local biz and call for help.  Both are recovering, Sharon from 3 broken ribs and busted implants, and Helen from concussion and whiplash.  Damn, dude.  That kangaroo was a giant dick.

Check out this huge alligator walking across a Florida golf course.  Holy eff.