Do you remember when you went on field trips in elementary school to the museum or a natural landmark, and the teacher would tell you not to touch anything? Then she’d tell you to remember the buddy system, then she’d reiterate DON’T TOUCH ANYTHING!!!  Remember?  These assholes clearly don’t remember that at all. Some old couple went to the National Watch and Clock Museum in Columbia, Pennsylvania.  They fingered a clock on the wall.  Clock fell.  Clock broke.  One of a kind piece, ya knobs!!!  The clock is getting repaired and will be back in the museum shortly.

Don’t break your dong! Nobody wants a broken penis. A new report came out detailing the most common positions that lead to (insert dramatic sfx) PENILE FRACTURES (add echo). BRUTAL subject matter.  Anyway, if you want the full, lengthy, girthy, throbbing report, click here, if you prefer the cliff notes, here ya go.   Quick list of most common positions to break your johnson:

5.  Tata effing

4. Missionary

3. Doggy

2. Cowgirl

1. Reverse Cowgirl

Some bitch from Atlanta quit her bartending job so she could focus her time on getting her dried out tits to produce milk.  Why does she want to be lactating? So her BF can nurse.  That’s why.  Duh. Haven’t you ever heard of an Adult Breastfeeding Relationship (ABR)?? Yeah, I hadn’t either until this article came out, and I feel like I was fine not knowing wtf an ABR is.  ANYWAY…. Jennifer Mulford read about the intense emotional connection two adults get from the breastfeeding relationship and immediately wanted to know what it was like.  It didn’t take long for some old boyfriend of hers to come crawling back with the promise of a nipple in his mouth.  Since Jennifer hadn’t shat out a kid in twenty years, the couple needs to induce lactation by dry-feeding and pumping her breasts every two hours, just as if she was feeding a baby.  Clearly, nobody can have a job while trying to induce lactation in order to nurse grown men, so, she quit her job.  AWESOME.  SMH.  She definitely won’t ever regret THAT decision. *eye roll*  Whatever it takes to make you happy, I guess.  Just hope the government isn’t payin’ ya for it.