A Wisconsin State Patrol pilot was on routine safety patrol when he noticed a Porsche 911 break away from the traffic pack and pass everyone going 118 miles an hour.  He contacted a squad on the ground and that cop was able to pull the Porsche over without incident.  The driver said he was speeding cuz he had to poop.  I totally understand, dude.

Michael Dosert got busted by his wife givin’ a blowie by a nude beach in Florida.  Now, most of us in this same sitch, would apologize, but Michael got in a huge fight with his wife.  Pushed her off his sea-doo several times, until she hit her head and refused to get back on.  Michael called 911 when he got to shore, cops found her on a sandbar wearing nothing but her lifevest.  She was taken to the hospital where she died a few days later.  Tragic story, however, it did give us my favorite headline this year “Nude Beach Blow Job Jet Ski Fight Leads to Wife’s Death.” AMAZING. Throw the book at him.

An Aberdeen dude was super high on what appears to be synthetic marijuana when he got busted peeping in windows, pooping in driveways and humping garbage cans.  Police arrived after several calls from neighbors, and the 25 year old unnamed man was unresponsive.   They took him to the hospital for an evaluation, charges pending.  Don’t smoke that shiz! It’s horrible!

A poop themed dessert bar is opening in Toronto.  As you may have guessed, the items on the menu look like poop. Delish.