Happy birthday, America!!! After a fantastic 4th of July holiday, it’s time to review all of the effed up things that happened over the weekend involving fireworks/bbqs and all things AMERICA!

One dude in Chicago blew part of his hand off lighting fireworks, and a little while later one of the neighbors dogs came home with homies hand in it’s mouth. ERMERGHERD!

15 year old kid in Texas blew off a bunch of his fingers, lost a leg and will probably be permanently blind after he tied 200 sparklers together and lit them on fire.  It just exploded, like a bomb, because IT’S A FRIGGIN’ BOMB.

An 18 year old dude suffered severe leg injuries after some sort of homemade firework device blew up in Central Park.

A fireworks barge exploded in Plymouth, Mass and set off all of the fireworks long before the grand finale.

Joey Chestnut proves he’s even better than your mom is at swallowing wieners by winning the Mustard Yellow International Belt.

And this story is so America, I love it super hard.  A sharp shooter veteran saved an eagle caught in a tree hanging from a rope.