Buncha winners in the news today! LOL. ER NOOOOO….

First, let’s start with Quinnlan R. O’Meara of Des Moines. The cops got called to Quinnlan’s apartment complex at 4am Saturday morning, July 3rd, cuz he was lighting off fireworks. Police confiscated his illegal fireworks and told him if he set off anymore he’d be going to jail. Well, Quinnlan apparently gives no fucks and loves jail food, cuz the cops were back to his apartment just a short time later, and saw him with a firework in one hand and a lighter in the other. Police arrested him, and he told them when he got out of jail he was going to light another firework “with a blunt in his mouth because this is America.” Forget for a second that weed is illegal in Iowa. When asked to take a preliminary breathalyzer test, he responded “that he would take a preliminary go [expletive] yourself test.” LOL. Never heard of that one. Dude ended up in jail and charged with using fireworks, public intoxication, and disorderly conduct.

Heading to North Carolina, two lovebirds got in a little tiff and ended up throwing pizza rolls at each other. Police arrived to their home around 1:30 am after receiving a domestic disturbance call and found Brad Beard, 24, and Samantha Canipe, 21 covered in cheese and sauce and pizza rolls. We’re not sure what started the fight, but both of ’em got some misdemeanor charges thrown at ’em and could spend 30-60 days in jail. I can’t believe someone would waste munchies throwing them at their sig other. Why not throw normal things? Like plates?

A 72 year old Boston cabbie named Buzzy ended up saving the day for one of his fares, and got probably the worst reward in the history of man kind. Buzzy picked up a self proclaimed homeless dude on Saturday. Homeless guy saw a friend of his, got out of the cab with the intent of returning, but after 30 minutes was still MIA. Buzzy noticed the guy had left a bag in his cab, and proceeded to the self proclaimed homeless man’s hotel. The hotel staff helped Buzzy look for the guy, but they couldn’t find him anywhere. In an attempt to find identification, Buzzy opened up the bag left in his cab, and found $187,000. HOLY CRAP! Buzzy took it right to the police station, where they figured out it was a large inheritance. The money was returned to the rightful owner who gave Buzzy a $100 reward. ….. Really, dude? ….. You’re only giving him $100 and he could have kept ALL OF YOUR DAMN MONEY??? ERMERGHERD! I’d throw him at least a couple grand. COME ON!