A dude in Ohio was arrested for HAVING SEX WITH A VAN! hahahahah. What. In. The…. Dayton Police received reports of a dude acting strange and rubbing his junk on the grill of a red van.  Hooker red, I’m assuming. Michael William Henson, 35 was eventually arrested pending public nudity charges, and this might be a shocker to ya, but he appeared to be under the influence. Ya don’t say??? This story reminded me of this dude who was in love with his car.

Lt Jason Short of the Keene, NH PD rescued what he thought was a baby from a hot car last month.  Turns out, that’s no baby, but a super realistic doll.  One of those dolls that cost like 2 grand, “Reborn” dolls or some shiz.  Anyhoo, so some lady leaves her real looking doll in the car, someone calls 911, cop busts window to rescue doll, PD pays for window.  Best part of this report is this nugget of a quote “If you’re willing to take the doll out in the car, be willing to take it into the store,” Short said. “That would be the only advice I have. Or leave it at home.”  LOL. WHAT?

Some drunk bitch driving on State Street actually cracked a beer in front of the arresting officer.  What the hell Wisconsin? An officer was on foot on the 500 block of state street when she saw an SUV cruising and nearly hitting a bicyclist.  The officer attempted to flag the driver to stop with her flashlight but the driver kept going. The officer got in her cruiser and pursued the driver who eventually stopped on Langdon and Henry.  Chenoa N.A. Taylor, of Madison, 42, refused to leave the car, and opened a beer in front of the cop.  It took several officers to eventually get her out of the car, and she’s looking at a boatload of charges.