A truck driver lost his 38,000 pound load of marbles on I-465 in Indianapolis over the weekend. Spilled the load all over the road and shut down one lane of the interstate for most of the day Saturday. Insert “that dude lost his marbles” joke here.

Roberto Esquivel Cabrera of Saltillo, Mexico has an 18.9 inch schlong.  It weighs about 2 pounds but alas, it doesn’t get hard. It’s impossible for him to have sex, and not just because there isn’t a ho in Mexico that would get rammed with that thing, it literally doesn’t work.  He’s been offered corrective surgeries but he’d rather be famous for having the longest dong in all of the land.  #Priorities

A Florida woman tried to use photocopied $20 bills at a Walmart and an Applebees before getting busted with a printer and paper in her hotel room.  Brandi Harden, 30, went to a Walmart on Jan. 14 and tried to use the fake money to pay for her purchases.  When the cashier became suspicious Brandi ran out of the store.  Police eventually caught up to her when she tried to pay her Applebees bill with counterfeit money and left her cell phone at the table.  She admitted to using the fake $ and was arrested on charges of possession of counterfeit bills as well as charges of possession of marijuana and paraphernalia.

A dude in Belarus lost his wiener in a parking spot dispute. It all started when a 33 year old guy cleared snow away from a parking spot for his wife.  When the dude came back outside a 55 year old man pulled in to the cleared out parking spot.  This started a fight and the younger man stomped on the old dude’s head and crotch, resulting in enough damage that his wiener had to be removed by doctors. He is still in hospital and the younger man has been arrested and is facing up to two years in jail. Neither were named in local press reports.

Soooo….if you missed this clip, the rest of the news story I’m about to share means nothing.

So that happened.  Then there was an internet hoax that followed, saying that this lovely young lady committed suicide.  She didn’t. It was a lie.  She’s fine and straight up G forevah. Remix? Yes, please.

 

The Bad Lip Reading folks finally got around to over dubbing the inauguration.

 

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